I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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