Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
