i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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