In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
