is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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