Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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