I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
