U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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