my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
