i wish peter jackson would direct porn
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
