I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
