Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
