He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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