my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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