i already hear my dad disowning me
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
