Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Can Purell be used as lube?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
