last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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