You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
