I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
