I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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