life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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