in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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