Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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