If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
