Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
