All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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