youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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