doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
