I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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