My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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