In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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