wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
