Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
