its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize