It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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