So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
