wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
