maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
