do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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