she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
