I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
