I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
