I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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