i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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