thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
