She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
