ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
