I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
