this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
