Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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