you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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