That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
