I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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