Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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