i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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