We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
