I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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