Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
