Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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