so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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