so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
