just tell him i said nine months
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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