my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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