why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
