Screwed.edu
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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