i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
